


14%

by plinys



Series: Retweet Verse [3]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Fluff and Crack, M/M, Post-Canon, Social Media
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-25
Updated: 2019-10-25
Packaged: 2021-01-02 19:44:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21166892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plinys/pseuds/plinys
Summary: Edward Kaspbrak @EKaspbrak@trashmouth I will stab you, shut the fuck uprichie tozier ✓ @trashmouth@EKaspbrak my K I N K





	14%

**Author's Note:**

> im back at again with more losers as adults on social media fics, this one is dedicated to grace who got s worked for being mean to me, rip grace
> 
> this fic loosely takes place in the same universe as my fic [ retweet ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20872880) and [ live más ](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20914145) but reading either of those isn't necessary to understand this fic. i just set all my fun adult losers fic loosely in the same universe.

**BuzzFeed ✓ @BuzzFeed** You’ll LOVE number 7. Top Celebrity Weddings We Are Looking Forward To This Year.  **https://tinyurl.com/y5l75hdy**

*

He’s still waiting for the anxiety to set in.

The panic.

He’s sure that he is on the brink of it. His therapist was even surprised at how  _ calm  _ he is being about all of this during their last session together, which is clearly saying something. 

Richie sort of feels a little bit like he’s sitting in the eye of a storm waiting for the calm to pass. While another part of him just keeps looking at the gold band on his finger - the one that Eddie had picked out for him and had been waiting for the right moment to give him, before Richie ruined it by getting down on one knee during Ben’s bachelor party - and thinking  _ finally _ .

“I hate that you’re not here,” Eddie says through the phone line. 

He had been in the middle of complaining about an issue with finding the right DJ, because apparently Richie saying that he  _ knew a guy  _ in LA was not good enough. 

“Did you know that twenty percent of all weddings get called off before the couple even makes it to the altar,” Eddie says. He reached the point of wedding panic significantly earlier than Richie. Though seeing as Richie has been in love with Eddie’s neurotic ass since he was ten years old, this doesn’t feel all that surprising. “And then another fourteen percent get cold feet at the altar.”

“I’m not getting cold feet,” Richie reassures him.

Or tries to.

“I know but-”

And then another thought sets in, “You’re not getting cold feet are you?” 

Eddie doesn’t answer for a long moment.

So long that it seems to stretch, filling up all the space in Richie’s far too expensive hotel room. 

“Baby?” 

More silence.

Richie feels frozen, until finally Eddie breaks it. 

“No,” Eddie says, eventually, so softly that Richie barely hears it. “No, of course not, I love you more than anything in the world. I just… I want this to go right. I need everything to go right.” 

His heart aches.

This fucking tour has been going on too long.

He shouldn’t have listened when Eddie insisted that he shouldn’t put his planned tour on hold just because of all their wedding planning. 

Suddenly Richie is all too aware of the thousands of miles currently between them.  _ Fuck _ , what he wouldn’t give to be able to look Eddie in the eye right now. To calm him down properly. Because Richie knows that if he were there Eddie would be at least  _ six  _ percent less stressed about all of this. 

“It will,” Richie promises. “Don’t worry.” 

“Easy for you to say,” Eddie says, teasing now, mostly. “I am a person made completely of  _ worry _ .” 

“Fuck, I love you.” 

“You fucking better.” 

Richie can’t help the smile that finds its way onto his face.

He truly is the luckiest man alive. 

“Actually that reminds me of this article I read!”

“Oh no.” 

*

**LOSERS CLUB**

**RICHIE: ** EVERYONE STOP WHAT YOURE DOING AND TAKE THIS QUIZ

**RICHIE: ** IT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT QUIZ EVER

**BEV: ** is this…. What I think it is?

**EDDIE: ** Unfortunately. 

**MIKE: ** Make a Taco Bell order and we will reveal which member of the “Losers Club” you are?

**MIKE: ** How do they even know who we are? 

**RICHIE:** as one of the four (4) verified accounts in this group chat i will take full credit

**BEN: ** They describe us as  _ @Bill _ ‘s friends in the quiz summary

**RICHIE: ** we’re ignoring THAT 

**BILL: ** But you are all my friends? Right? 

**EDDIE: ** Lovely weather we are having. 

**BEN: ** “twitter’s newest favorite famous friendship”

**BEN: ** That’s so nice actually :) It doesn’t make sense, but it’s nice :)

**BEV: ** maybe buzzfeed is actually valid for once

**MIKE:** I would say why Taco Bell, but we were all there for that. 

**BILL: ** Not Bev.

**BEV: ** [knife emoji]

**RICHIE: ** can we focus on the important parts? 

**EDDIE: ** There’s an important part?

**RICHIE: ** which is: am i more of a grande scrambler a breakfast quesadilla guy? 

**BEN: ** Breakfast quesadilla

**BEV: ** you’re a quesadilla, baby

**RICHIE: ** but consider i am packing a Grande Scambler ;)

**MIKE: ** ** _@_ ** _ Eddie  _ Please control him 

**EDDIE: ** Believe me, I fucking tried. 

**BILL: ** Wait, are we actually taking this quiz? 

**BILL: ** Because I could procrastinate on writing. 

**RICHIE: ** FUCK YES WE ARE

**RICHIE: ** TEN MINUTES OF SILENCE EVERYONE DO THE QUIZ

*

“You really know that you’ve  _ made it _ , when they’re out there writing BuzzFeed articles about you,” Richie tells his audience. They laugh, as predicted. “Like I thought I made it was on the Late Show or those two episodes of SNL I got before they fucking fired me, but  _ this  _ is the real major leagues kids.” 

He pauses to mime swinging his mic like a baseball bat. 

Smashes it straight out of the park. 

“Yeah, okay they wrote one on me after I came out and that was really sweet. And then there was that one about me rocking and I quote  _ Middle Aged Gay Dad Fashion  _ which thanks again for the Man of Style award that I definitely don’t fucking deserve.”

That one had been truly wild.

Eddie had said there in his fucking gucci loafers and complained about it the entire time.

Which meant Richie was still using it as bragging rights months later even time he put on a wrinkled shirt and called it good enough. 

“And there was this real sweet article about my upcoming wedding, which you know, still fucking terrified about, but the  _ real  _ winner isn’t even an article it’s a fucking personality quiz. Someone made one of those pick these six random things to determine which member of my friend group you are, and like all you fucks better google that shit after this show and tell me who you got.” 

He gets a light sprinkling of laughter in return. 

“I’m fucking serious.” 

This time the laughter is louder.

“So I took this fucking quiz, you know the proof that I  _ made it  _ as a real life internet meme, and was like ‘This will be so fucking easy I’ll just get myself and laugh it all off’, right?”

He pauses for dramatic effect. Mimes pulling out his phone and taking the quiz and said. 

“Yeah, so I took the fucking quiz  _ six  _ times and kept fucking get Ben, and like don’t get me wrong I love Ben! If I wasn’t marrying Eddie, my next choice would be Ben because  _ look at that man _ , but just know that nobody in their right mind would ever call me  _ genuine  _ or  _ sweet _ , not even my own fucking fiance.” 

_ Fiance. _

That might just be his favorite word in the entire world. 

“Anyways, Eddie got Bev every time he took the quiz so maybe those fucks at BuzzFeed were actually onto something.” 

*

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** whoever is trending the #RichieDeservesTacoBell you’re the only valid people here 

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** five retweets and i get married at that taco bell i proposed to eddie in @TacoBell @BillDenbrough @ArchHanscom @MARSH @MikeHanlon 

**Edward Kaspbrak @EKaspbrak ** None of you better retweet that. 

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** @EKaspbrak suddenly that 14% makes sense :(

**Edward Kaspbrak @EKaspbrak ** @trashmouth I will stab you, shut the fuck up

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** @EKaspbrak my K I N K 

  
  


*

Just one more night.

One more night and then he’ll be back to LA.

And then the wedding.

And then the rest of his fucking life with Eddie.

And then -

He should have just booked a fucking redeye.

“You miss me right?” 

He cuts off Eddie’s latest rant. 

Soft, and just a little bit desperate.

“That depends are you going to insist that Taco Bell cater our wedding again?” 

“I might?”

“Then, no,” Eddie replies. He’s teasing. A moment later Eddie lets out a soft sigh, and Richie can hear him shift around in bed. In  _ their  _ bed. “Of course I fucking miss you, Richie. This bed feels empty without you, you should be here hogging all the blankets.” 

_ Soon _ .

But not soon enough. 

Richie stretches out on his hotel bed instead, trying to make himself comfortable, “You know what else I would be doing if I was in  _ that  _ bed with you?” 

Eddie’s laugh is a little too quick to be real. “We’re not having  _ phone sex _ , Rich.” 

“Okay, but we could.” 

“No.”

“I  _ miss  _ you,” Richie says. The words carrying a very different meaning now. 

“No.” 

“I wasn’t even thinking about it until you mentioned it,” Richie says with a whine. “But now all I can think about is having phone sex with you, like babe, I can’t handle it. What are you wearing?” 

“Pajamas.” 

“Sexy.” 

“I’m also on my laptop, and we don’t have sex when the computer is out, that’s how you break them.” 

“I bought you another one,” Richie reminds him. “You can’t hold that against me forever.” 

Eddie makes a non committal noise. And then, because he’s a party pooper, tries to change the subject. “Your fans are being mean to me again?” 

_ Again _ .

Because apparently all Eddie manages to do when he’s online is get into fights with teenagers trying to defend Richie’s honor. It’s sort of cute. He doesn’t have the heart to tell the internet that fighting over dumb shit is basically foreplay for the two of them. 

“Sorry my Trashheads don’t like you.”

“Why do your fans have the worst name ever?” 

And there’s his segway back to the  _ point  _ of this phone call.

Almost too easy.

“You know, it’s to match my  _ trashmouth _ .”

“Richard,” the warning note in Eddie’s voice when he says his name, kinda gets him going just a little bit. 

“And baby, you know what this trashmouth could do-”

A dial tone greets him before he can even finish the innuendo. 

Which, fair.

*

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** eddie is so mean to me :(((

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** ill see him soon but hes so mean :(((

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** he doesnt deserve to see me :(((

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** @EKaspbrak pay attention to me :((((

**Edward Kaspbrak @EKaspbrak ** @trashmouth You can take an uber home from the airport 

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** hey @twitter im being bullied please report @EKaspbrak :(((((

*

“Ten more days until the wedding.” 

“Please don’t say that where god can hear you.”

“I’m in an airport, pretty sure god has long since abandoned me,” Richie says. “Actually, that’s funny I’m going to tweet that.” 

Eddie’s sigh through the line is fond. After all, he was the one that had insisted upon calling Richie the moment he made it through security and had gotten himself to his gate to begin the long wait until boarding. 

He’s at the airport three hours early.

Partly because Eddie’s anxious tendencies have rubbed off on him.

Mostly because he really fucking misses Eddie. 

He waits for the inevitable. The small echo that comes from Eddie putting him on speaker phone to check whatever it is that Richie had just posted. For all that Eddie pretended not to care, Richie had noticed that he had push notifications on for every time Richie tweeted, which really was the pinnacle of modern day romance when you get right down to it. 

Except, instead of Richie getting the usual notification of Eddie’s equally dumb reply, instead this time he gets Eddie whispering “What the fuck” throught the phone line. 

“Eds?”

“My Twitter account was… Suspended? What the fuck?” 

He shouldn’t laugh.

He really shouldn’t.

But Richie can’t help himself. 

And sure he knows he looks crazy, because he’s got fucking airpods in and an iced coffee and he’s doubled over laughing in one of those terribly uncomfortable airport chairs. Someone is probably going to snap a picture of him on some shitty Android phone and have it go viral, but Richie doesn’t care.

Because  _ this  _ is somehow the greatest thing that has ever happened to him. 

“What’s so fucking funny,” Eddie snaps through the line. 

“You got suspended for being mean to me holy fuck,” Richie says. Pausing between bursts of laughter. “My fucking fans, holy fuck, they actually fucking did it.” 

“I hate you.” 

“Eds, Eddie, Baby, should I email Twitter and tell them that that’s actually my kink or-” 

"Fourteen percent.” 

“I’m putting this in my vows.” 

*

**LOSERS CLUB**

  
  


**RICHIE: ** eDDIES IN TWITTER JAIL 

**BEN: ** press f to pay respects

**MIKE:** f

**BILL:** f

**EDDIE: ** Fuck you guys. 

**RICHIE: ** the world really loves me whew i mean we knew but the validation 

**RICHIE: ** i mean it’s mostly people with middle aged men kinks but i am Thriving

**BEV: ** i would very much like to unread that

**EDDIE: ** Imagine having to hear all of this dumb shit outloud every day

**BEV: ** you put a ring on that, babe, you’re stuck with him 

**BEN: ** F

*

Eddie’s there.

Of course, he is, because for all of his talk and all of their teasing Eddie has never actually  _ not  _ been there waiting for Richie to get off of his plane and past security. 

Though this time the paper sign in his hands says:  _ Welcome Home, Fuckface _ . 

And fuck, just when Richie didn’t think it was possible to fall even more in love with Eddie. 

Richie kisses him in the middle of the airport. 

Obnoxious, and the type of PDA that Eddie will definitely grumble at him about later. But fuck it’s been a long two weeks. And as much as he loves standing up on that stage, it doesn’t even begin to compare to the feeling of getting to come back home to Eddie. 

“I love you so fucking much.” 

“I know.” 

  
  


*

**BuzzFeed ✓ @BuzzFeed** PEEP this Steamy reunion at LAX, between the world’s cutest celebrity couple!  **https://tinyurl.com/y5l75hdy**

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** S T E A M Y 

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** i literally cant Believe

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** @twitter pls give my fiance his account back so he can see our Steamy Reunion 

**richie tozier ✓ @trashmouth ** my :)))))) fiance :))))))

**Author's Note:**

> come be my friend on twitter: [ @plinys ](https://twitter.com/plinys)


End file.
